Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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