So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
What a dumb baby whore.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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