the condom got lost in my hair
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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