i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
