glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
