can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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