just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
