Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
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Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
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Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'