well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
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I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
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I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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