To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.