A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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