in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
