Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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