is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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