Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
