I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Drake has all the answers
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