Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize