can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
