yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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