I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
