she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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