John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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