seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize