? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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