508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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