Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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