i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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