dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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