ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I smell like Dick and happiness
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