strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
