we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
