pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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