I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
