Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
