do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just want nice things and good sex
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
