He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
