I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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