you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
