It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
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They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
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And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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