Jerry, you need to find god
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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