Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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