are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
