I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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