I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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