She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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