Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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