if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
