There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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