walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
