i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
