Plan B is the new Plan A
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
