Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
