Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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