STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
