Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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