I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
