So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
