My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
