who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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