Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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