I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
