The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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