No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
